Children are not born difficult; they are reflecting their interpretations of what is happening around them. If you have a child who is highly spirited or struggling with expression through tantrums, screaming or over stimulation that is a sign for parents to start looking at themselves and their very own behaviors.
I was drowning in life when I first became a parent my son was reacting in very frustrating and negative ways. He couldn’t express himself at two and half years of age and it was very exhausting to try and control his outburst behaviors. At the time people around me tried to convince me he was going through terrible two stage, but I felt something was not quite right, so I decided to pay close attention and started to recognize that my son was trying to tell me something about myself. He was reflecting my inner child that was buried and forgotten about. All the traumas from my life had been buried so deep that I did not even realize that I was not able to process emotions. Sure I felt them but I did not realize that I was incapable of understanding them or expressing them as I was so strong that I was able to intellectualize them and keep moving forward.
Well for my highly sensitive son, this was not suitable to his needs. He was sensing my internal child suffering and he was reflecting my pain through his behaviors. His sensitivity required some emotional intelligence. He needed to feel safe and secure about his emotions and I was not giving him that. I was not teaching him or even aware that I was incapable of teaching him how to be comfortable with his emotions or how to express them in a healthy way as I was not doing this myself.
Parents this is not about blame; this is about owning your responsibility to your children even if that means you need to start looking at yourself to how our behaviors are impacting these little minds. Are you taking the time to really observe your child and their needs, or are you trying to fix control and change them?