Before my days of meditation I had a very toxic mindset. It was conflicted between reality and truth, it was traumatized through repeat sufferings, it looped on repeat cycles and there was so much noise in there that life constantly triggered me. There were thoughts that didn’t even belong to me and there was fear of darkness comforting my insecurities and empowering my ego for protection.
Of Course at the time I was certainly not aware of this, I was convinced that I was a very sensitive and passionate being , who cared so much that I was always so emotional and sensitive. This was my belief, that kept me in suffering.
This is how disillusioned some of us are, without even knowing.